Selfishness...

Sitting in one corner of the hospital room I wondered why my granny couldn't stay alive when I really wanted her to. Why did she have to leave me when she knew that she meant so much to me? Did that mean my love wasn't being reciprocated? That is what the kid in me thought when my granny was still worried about leaving me alone even when she gasped for air during her last few seconds...

Why did I want her to live though I did acknowledge the fact that she had to endure pain and why on the other hand was I chanting prayers for her soul to rest in peace during those very last few seconds?

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Dasher lay under the center table, his skin sagging in folds indicating that he was too old for any activity. My entry into the house would evoke only a glitter in his eyes and a slight wag of his tail in response; I have never seen him full of energy. As a kid I have wanted a companion who would run around with me, fetch a ball that I threw at a distance, perform 'shake-hand' with all my friends who would come home. I have wanted a dog that I could proudly take around but Dasher shyed away from people. He was being extra sweet to his masters - showered love on all of us in his own style.

I should have realized that my dog was at a level higher than the other dogs. Contrary to his name he could never move at all... Dasher was a physically challenged dog.

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A ritual usually takes place in my house where all the old clothes and toys are given away each year. Being a teddy bear freak that I am, it was hard for me to part with one of my fave teddies. A big, cuddly one that it was - a definite NO for giving it away. I was forced to send it with the other stuff and I sat cribbing about it for almost one whole day. It was when we received a 'Thank you' note from the orphange did I realize that a teddy that was just yet another one in my collection was instrumental in bringing a big smile across several faces!

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To end on a lighter note, when I was questioned by anyone whether I would like to have a sibling, my reply was always on the negative. I guess I didn't want to share my parents' love and affection with anyone else (typical kiddish behaviour)... I had replied saying that if I ever missed a sibling then I would bring home one of those cute kids in the pram who come to Nilgiris departmental store!